To start this blog, I have to go back to June at the end of Miss Iowa week. The time since then has flown and sitting here it does't feel as if Miss Iowa was that far away but it really was and a lot has happened since then. Here's a quick recap, in no order, that I can elaborate on later; I was able to enjoy almost an entire summer at home with my family, my family bought a condo in Florida, my cousin got married, I totaled my car, my brother has his senior pictures, and I got hired for a job that fits me perfectly working at the University of Iowa. After Miss Iowa I escaped, ignored my feelings and enjoyed life.
After Miss Iowa was hard. There isn't much more to say than that. In these next few paragraphs I am going to be very candid about my experiences and about how I felt in those moments and how I still feel about it. For those of you who don't know me that well, I have a fear of failing. I don't believe this fear is irrational and I believe it is one of the driving factors on why I have achieved so much in my life. With that being said, going into Miss Iowa I knew it was my first time and I knew there were 15 other beautiful, wonderful, talented and driven ladies that I would be competing against but I tried to focus only on myself and block out all the other noise. Going into Miss Iowa I had a plan, and like every other contestant my plan was to win. And when I say I had a plan, I am not kidding, ask my board and the ladies at Legacy, I had a full 5 page written business plan titled "Path to Miss Iowa" with a mission statement and all. This plan kept me focused in preparing and it kept my focus on me. Like I said I knew there were other contestants and I knew by no means did I think I was a shoe in, but I knew what I needed to do. Mentally, I needed to plan how I was going to win. Mentally, I had to go in knowing there was a greater chance of me not winning than there was of me winning, it was pure odds. And that is what scared me the most, I had a significantly larger chance of "failing" than I did at "winning". With this I without telling anyone or really realizing it myself started to prepare myself for less lofty goals. My goal started out as winning Miss Iowa 2015 is the only option, then it moved down to making top 5 would be like the gold medal trophy, then as I was in Miss Iowa week I mentally prepared myself to only make the top ten. With each of these goal adjustments I had an inner fight of confidence, I wanted to so badly believe in myself but I also had to tell myself there's a chance you are not good enough.
After Miss Iowa, I told people close to me, the hardest part of Miss Iowa for me was, I mentally prepared myself in winning Miss Iowa, making just top 5 and only making top 10, but I had never prepared myself to not make the top 10. And that is what hurt the most, in that moment when all ten names had been called and I realized mine wasn't, was one of, if not, the hardest moments of my life because my biggest fear had come true. I had "failed" right there on that stage in front of an entire audience that consisted of a lot of people that not only I cared about but who came out of their way to support me. I will openly admit that I cried the rest of the entire night and I continue to tear up now re-thinking about it. In that moment and for days and weeks after I thought I had truly failed and I couldn't face that. I was able to take time to be with my family and really distance myself from pageants and my failure. I was able to hid from people long enough that when I saw them again they had forgotten about Miss Iowa and I didn't have to admit to my failure again.
But now I am ready to begin again, I was inspired after the wonderful weekend I had attending the "Light the Night" walk supporting Leukemia and Lymphoma and attending the FBLA Fall State Leadership conference talking to students about how I can help them support the March of Dimes in our National Partnership. This time I am starting in an even better place than I did before I won Miss Pearl City. I have started to do what I know how to do best, and that is to plan. I have reached out to those who know more than me and have recruited their help, expertise and extra set of eyes. And I am truly thankful to them, especially the ones I don't personally know. I have purchased many different books to read and study up on, from books on the Miss America system to books that help you reach your goals. I have immersed myself even further into my platform and started another job that encompasses both of my college degrees.
I now realize that I didn't truly fail because I tried and I gave it my all. There are 7.125 billion people in this world and I let 5 of them take away my self worth for a period of time that I won't get back. I learned a lot in my first run at Miss Iowa and I luckily have one more year to compete. I am going to finish out my year strong as Miss Pearl City and then hopefully start the new year with a new local title and a ticket to Miss Iowa.
It is now close to 2 am and I should be in my second or third REM cycle by now but tonight was different, tonight I chose to catch all my thoughts and feelings on one page. I am glad I did, but now my plan of going to the gym early before I head to my new job at the Dance Department at the University of Iowa, where I am the head athletic trainer is shot.
Goodnight,
Miss Pearl City
Christy Scimeca
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